I had things to do. But my eyes and fingers were glued scrolling reading stuffs I found online on my phone. Slowly work progressed in between the loading and reading and phone calls and people coming by. But I just lost it today. Lost of interest. Like, WTH am I doing here? Can I quit my job and do something inspiring for me? But if I do, what will pay off the loans and credit cards that I still have? My panties have no second value at all.
Tired of compiling receipts for claims purposes. Tired of checking other people’s claims. Not wanting to deal with people who are pompous enough to take numbers in chunks to show their greatness when the numbers are smaller in real segregation.
Maybe the tiredness is growing in again. Today I know, I am withdrawing. I don’t want to explain to anyone. I don’t want to speak with anyone. Anything else, I message them on the phone. I let my table clutter as I crack into unopened sunflower seeds. I am sick of everything.
Tallulah is unwell. Now, it makes me feel as if it is my negative aura overpowering onto her. It has happened before. She gets sick whenever it I overflow.
My mood has totally gone off somewhere else in the world. Perhaps it is searching for someone in New Orleans to sit with for coffee. Silently it hearts along with the cats that are named after animals and dolls. To tasting Gumbo and Po Boys for the first time. To experience places and spaces where you never thought existed. Find secret gardens to immerse in.
Some souls are laced in between. This is where I run to put myself in. Invisible but present. Present but observing. Deciding to do so or won’t at all.
Mysterious creature I am. I wonder if my husband knows what sort of craziness he’s stuck with for a long time. It’s like a psychobabble if you poke my brain at all. All seven layers of it. And alas, my children are left without a choice.
Well, good luck to all of them!