I can’t open my eyes. Can’t keep them open. No blink or bling can do it.
I can’t open my eyes. Can’t keep them open. No blink or bling can do it.
Strength is not an easy thing to achieve. But you have to work on it. It takes effort. Then, it would take time. However, you fall back on effort; because you don’t have the fire to burn it for yourself. Every so often also you will self-sabotage causing further unnecessary pain. So you wallow, feel the lack of love and start to eat anything and everything that comes in your way. You do know you have yourself to blame. Until it gets to the time you know you deserve to feel happy.
It falls flat. This new realisation comes when daily life is so busy that you have no time to think for yourself; having to make quick, clever decisions and get done to get on with something else. Yes, it will be loathed. There will be a lot of cursing and telling as well as reminding yourself and everyone else about their stupidity as it goes. But you, get through the day. You, would have achieved something. You, would in the end feel purposeful and done good.
Papers strewn all over. Workstation is acceptable clean and organised but not at the standard of national clean and tidy or normalcy. But they are workable. 3 types of 3 things that reminds you of who you are and allow a glimmer of smile at the edge of you heart on mundane days. You always know there is something you can settle. Even that can of soda that has been sitting on the workstation for over a year has meaning, just because it’s more soothing to look at than to drink it because it will finish and become trash.
There are also days you need to write first before you can work. Eat first, read the news and gossip first, coffee first… those are you little factors.
Happiness, picked up in tiny spaces, little things. Kisses on the forehead, rubbing nose with the cat, purple lipstick, olive green eyeliner, the colour of fabric hanging on the liners. Little things. Little things matter. You matter. It will rain, there will be sunshine and flowers. There will be a rainbow. Hang in there. You know you love yourself, only sometimes you forget how, and how to get back into the cycle. But you know you really do love yourself. Never compromise of how important you are, especially with yourself.
If only I can say the same to myself.
How my pain is someone else’s strength. I advocate life and self-love, but deny it onto myself. Am I a robot? It feels like it sometimes. I just want to feel appreciation that is something I must do for myself. So hard. So harsh of a reality. For how long more?
But this is alas, a heart of the unhappy.
The Daily Prompt: Dim
In all fogginess I have lost myself. Little struggles. Refusal to be blindsided so I chose to stop looking. The difference in me treading along now is it is easier now than it was before. Letting go is easier. But I owe you an apology for being so…
I know my entries has been sporadically too high or too low. Each time I tell myself I have mental health issues, I realize that I am just an unhappy INFJ. And this unhappiness is common. I try not to wonder why but it helps to realign me back into some kind of perspective after re-realizing unhappy INFJ. Not just a figment of my own imagination.
So yesterday morning, I had this sudden this tap water flowing cry out of no apparent reason. They just kept coming and coming. In the office. Breakdown. Tissues encrusted all over me. It was sobbing cry, close to being to the ugly cry. I was missing friends. And after months of silence, I lunched with the beautiful Ms Brown.
“I think I’m sad. I’ve been sad for a looong time,” I said as my eyes glazed over the restaurant window.
She looked onto me, just pouring with emotion. Momentarily shaking her head. “But you can’t live it unhappy. You shouldn’t have to go through the same thing again. You deserve good.”
Yes, Ms Brown. You are right. My astral movements has been off the charts. You are asking me to go through the exercises I asked you to do when you were going through your rough patch. You are also making me yearn for savoury food and a whole lot of chicken requirement in my diet. And smoked salmon.
Just one step at a time. I will congregate with the rest of the human race and sort myself out again. Even when my own imagination can’t put myself there.
This wallowing is comforting. Yes, I know it’s bad for me. Such fear to find the courage again. To be okay without having the need for validation. Fearsome.
Looking at android. There is nothing for me to touchscreen on.
I found this online. It explains what is welled in my heart.
Thank you for this article written by Rupali Grover.
Just go see a therapist and maybe take some medication.”
This is the classic response that you hear from others when you open up to them about sad feelings that you can’t shake off. There is definitely value in seeing the right therapist, but I can empathize with why INFJs seek more profound answers into why they feel the way they do. (Not sure of your personality type? We recommend this free personality test.) A quick and common fix, such as, “Stop worrying about what others think” or “Just let it go,” isn’t usually enough to heal the INFJ’s hurting soul.
The INFJ personality type is nicknamed the Counselor because we love to help others by listening and sharing our pearls of wisdom. However, inspiring others to reach their potential doesn’t mean that INFJs are immune to having their own problems. In fact, some INFJs may become so preoccupied with other people’s feelings that they forget to check in with their own needs. This can lead to INFJs neglecting their own problems and feeling burned out and unhappy. When INFJs do realize they’ve left some issues simmering on the back burner, they may turn to others for guidance and direction. But INFJs might be disappointed when the people they turn to can’t offer the same level of insight that INFJs can give to others.Of course, all personality types experience unhappiness at times. And it’s completely normal to not feel “up” every moment of the day. But here five reasons why INFJs may feel unhappy. These points are based on my subjective experience and what I’ve gleaned from other INFJs:
1. You’re surrounded by the wrong people.
Have you heard the popular saying, “Before you diagnose yourself with depression and anxiety, make sure you’re not hanging around jerks”? Who you hang out with impacts how you feel, especially when you’re an INFJ who absorbs other people’s emotions. Before I knew I was an INFJ, I wasn’t aware that some of my “overly emotional” responses were stemming from being around people who were abrasive, controlling, and critical. Like me, even though your intuition whispers to stay away from certain people, you may find yourself involved with a narcissist or an emotional abuser. You may have wanted to give such people the benefit of the doubt (INFJs are compassionate and forgiving). You may have wanted to comfort others in need. You may have felt sorry for someone. Suddenly, you find yourself in toxic relationships but you feel too guilty to leave, even though you’ve noticed multiple red flags. After all, the wrong people will say “I love you so much!” and “I am just trying to help you!” For me, it was eye-opening to realize how calm and relaxed I felt when I stopped talking to people who weren’t good for me. Walking away from the wrong people can guide you to the right people, who treat you the way that you should be treated. When you’re around the right people, you will likely notice a positive difference in your mood.
2. You’re in the wrong environment.
Not only are INFJs sensitive to people’s emotions, but they also pick up the vibes of where they live. Growing up, I was one of a few Indian girls living in Alabama. Dealing with white classmates who told me to “go back to your country” in their Southern accents wasn’t fun. Even though my school was top-notch and teachers said I was smart, my grades were awful. I now know that I wasn’t thriving because I was in the wrong environment. I remember shutting down and feeling flat, as a way of surviving the cruelty and ignorance of my classmates. When my family moved to Chicago, I suddenly found myself in a big city full of diversity and friendly people—and I flourished. My grades sky-rocketed. I smiled more. I got out of the house. So, INFJ, remember that a simple change in your environment may be enough to boost your happiness.
3. You aren’t living your life’s purpose.
Getting a paycheck is nice. Paying your bills and buying things you want is nice. But those niceties will probably not be enough for the INFJ who is yearning to champion a cause. Before I got my current job as a sexual assault counselor, I felt like an empty gasoline tank. I tried my best to adapt to my circumstances, but something wasn’t quite right. Now I wake up and come home knowing that I’m standing up for something important. Isn’t it an incredible feeling when you’re contributing to society in a positive way?
4. You’re pretending to be someone you’re not.
INFJs are rare, and other people have no problem driving that point home. When you wish you were like everyone else, you may find yourself emulating extroverts in the hope that your life will be happier. I knew a woman who was an ESTJ personality type; she told me to be more ruthless, because she thought my empathic nature was weak. Another ESTJ man told me that men don’t like intelligent women, which led me to dumb myself down. Eventually I learned that what worked for those two ESTJs didn’t work for me. Pretending to be someone you’re not is exhausting. Taking someone else’s destructive advice leads to beating yourself up. Be your best authentic self, and see how liberating it feels.5. You haven’t learned to trust your intuition.
Your Introverted Intuition is there for a reason, despite what skeptics say. One of the biggest regrets I have is allowing other people to talk me out of my intuitive hunches. It can be an everyday challenge when you want to please others and maintain social harmony, but your intuition is screaming at you to do something else. Learning to trust my intuition and not feeling the need to rationalize it to others has paid off well. When I let my gut feelings guide me to better choices and good people, I feel happier. When I ignore my intuition, I have to deal with the aftermath.
Unhappy INFJs may be seen as blaming their problems on everyone else or complaining chronically. But it might not be that you’re too sensitive or not trying hard enough. Tap into your inner wisdom to identify what’s causing you to feel hopeless. Re-organizing your life and taking the steps to change may clear the emotional clutter. Of course, I know what I’m saying is easier said than done. But hold your head high and realize that some of the darkest moments in your life can lead you to a brighter path that you thought couldn’t exist. You may eventually look back on your difficult past and see how it got you to where you were meant to be.
Finding my purpose, that I know of. Finding people who fit is what’s challenging. This article has given me an insight to what breaks me down. And so it is an easier objective to redefine myself. Just because…
I only have to keep reminding myself about it.
(But now I feel sad)
What is sadness, despair and anger that I cloak this blog with? Is it really INFJ so-out-there? Could it be simply the lack of sleep I got last night – falling asleep only at 5.30am-7.25am; simply waking up because I had to work?
I for one, have no one to talk to. No adult who could comprehend me, like the beck and call of every need for validation or just to share some thought in my head be it delirious or magical. Neither would the adult tolerate the refusal to budge doing something against my norm, nor change the wind in my spirit to try.
Yes. My spirit dampens me. Sometimes it sucks my energy down to my buttonhole. I suck at supporting myself. It’s a whirl in layers of onion. Like, thick ones. The layers can’t find the core. Along the way, I lose my funny and my own self-thoughtfulness. It would all bring me to blabbering my feelings to a
n unfortunate colleague who happen to be there when I could be doing the tons of fixing this office. I fail so much.
Nevertheless, I feel better after this rampage.