Cheers to Logic

Apparently, I am still struggling with the WordPress setting.  It appears to be that I have been categorizing and tagging my posts to nothingness.  At the same time, I just don’t know what was it that I clicked on that the Happy Diwali post is so special enough to be in the main page for an extremely long time.

So okay.  Slowly this morning, I found the reading tab where it brings me randomly free to jump into other people’s blog.  It’s something that I am grateful for and found one other interesting thing: REBLOG POST.

Truthfully, I am so intrigued by this and I wanted to reblog a post but this process is making me anxious at the same time – it asks me if I want to add my thoughts before reblogging.

Now… that’s something difficult for me to decide on.  My whole life’s judgment is suddenly scattered on the ground.

Thought Process:

  1. What do I do with this?
  2. What to write?
  3. Do I be courteous and ask permission first?  And what if the blogger says no?
  4. How do I know or how long do I wait for the blogger to tell me that it is okay to share?
  5. But what if instead, I write something like, “Like. Reblogging this.  Thanks.”?  It sounds so unappreciative.
  6. And what if I reblog, and I don’t say anything?  That’s like… Offensive right?
  7. What if after you write something, then you reblog, then you’re stuck in the reblog process; then you start feeling stupid – because you’ve already commented that you do want to reblog this post, but you’re not gonna.  Because you’re stuck in the reblogging process.

 

Adding comment to REBLOG on WordPress
Reblog Post

 

Then again, while editing this photo, I realized that this blog has over 900 likes.  I suppose the amount of sharing must have reached the far and the recluse.  So I tell you what, the likes is proof that the sharing has been done so extensively that I think it’s okay that I let that boat sail off this time.

Cheers to my logic.

Note: Sometimes illogical thinking helps with logic, in making yourself believe what is the best decision to be made; even if it’s about adding your thoughts (and it’s optional) when with intent to reblog a post, that’s making life so hard for you at any point of time.  Now I have the need to walk into a small and closed closet to make myself feel better. Sigh.

 

 

Epic Road Tripping

I have been feeling lonely in the pit of my stomach.  Really. You are actually alone.  In sequence from birth until you die.  You are truly responsible for yourself.  It is never anybody’s fault on the choices you have made. You were given situations that made you choose them.  But ultimately, it is your choice to choose, decide and be done with it.

There is this tiredness in me.  I feel like a recluse.  But at the same time I get worked up about people judging me.  Then it makes me feel that I should show them something about how I’ve spent onto myself.  All in together, that’s not what I’m about.  So this vent is upside down within this person of me to squash and control it from bouncing as hyper speed in that emotion box.

Yes, I am tired.  Yes, I need sleep.  Yes, I need hugs.  Yes, I need inspiration and the push to want to be somewhere.

Note to Self: I’m bored. (pause) Now, isn’t this so INFJ?

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Tripping on the Road

I have a new muse. Her name is Selena. Loving Revival completely.

Anyway, my other half tells me of a plan he has to be off on a road trip – on a bike. With me. But I need to get rid off a many few kilos. Otherwise he doesn’t think he can finish it. With me. On the bike. Motorbike.

Okay.

There has been so many time for the past half year that I have lost my direction, losing the sense of purpose and therefore for an INFJ, it shall then either go nowhere or down under. Going off to Australia would’ve been nicer, but no, it didn’t get anywhere near that continent. Sigh.

Somehow, from that conversation of road tripping, has emerged something in me. I had closed my feelings about what I do from 9 to 5 so badly that I complete shutdown in anything that has to do with it. No motivation, no inspiration, no initiative. A complete meltdown. Resentment.

So.

I want to pick myself back up. I have something to look forward to. I want to do this for myself. And each time I help somebody, I help myself. I need to remind myself that. Because nothing is more important than learning for me.

But I’m sure there’ll be other meltdowns too. Just only not now.

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Because this can completely mess me up. Especially when the unspoken words are inconclusive, illogical, non-reliable and without compassion.

(If only meltdowns can help with losing all that weight. Pffft.)

Note to Self: Stop abusing yourself – though, you still need to lose all that weight (when I’m so freaking hungry right now!). 

Existential Meltdowns

I suddenly am having this heavy mob of people in my chest screaming and partially fainting, gasping for air. Is it that bad of a day that I am going through, because it isn’t really so bad (despite that this is the second blog of the day); or my chest is lacking of oxygen?

Anger management is required. Every single thing that Kitty does just seems to piss me off for some reason.  And this introverted self seems to by such psycho-charismatic extreme that just waiting for the time to snap where then sizzle into those dramatic noisy firecrackers seemingly prosperous during Chinese New Year.

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Why is this compulsion of internal error seems so natural to me that it has to happen more than 5 times to actually feel normal?  I AM PFFFFFFTTTTTTT!!!!!

The question is, is this being prosperous to self?

Note to Self: Slip on Selena Gomez’s Revival and soothe yourself down. Pretend that you do own your own island surrounded by clear water and calm waves.  Smile.  And the whole world is beautiful again. 

Fixing Broken

I was on a short trip with the family when a friend (A) began texting to my spouse on his relationship with his former wife, the mother of his kids. We went on to assess of what happened, how it was handled and what is best to be done for him; as at that time, his X rejected his proposal to remarry.  X’s family too stood before her.  Closed the door to never again hurt her feelings.  Not by him.

For this situation, I decided to just open my brain up and let my mouth flow on how I see the dots are connected.  And as it flow on, I realized the complexity of my mind (ehem) or of any INFJ is a maze that no one else gets. It’s like, it’s so much easier if the solution is given; and not the way how it is thought of.

Poor them.  But like I told my spouse, A screwed up.  X waited.  But A has issues and left them standing.  So when X leaves, she is done.  We’re not saying that the situation is firm that they will not be together ever again.  I AM saying that A needs to settle his own issues first.  Then only the rest will fall right into place.

As we did.

As how I could see the things my spouse had to settle with his.

And when he did, we rejoiced.

I know A is hurting.  He flew hours to get to where X was with the kids. Rejected. Lost. Unsure of what next to do. Broken. Crying rampage. All is lost.

He has to realize what they mean to him.

He needs to realize, accept that he has hurt not just one person in this. He needs to embrace the fact that he botched his life, their lives up for his only one selfish decision.

Then he needs to forgive himself. Finding self is a journey. And after the storm, the sun will clear the sky.  Then you will find your way home.

No woman is more grateful for a man who is genuinely sorry for what the man has done. Forgive yourself, embrace and move on.

And God has planned this so well, so X will deserve a man who is deserving of her. In order to get that, A will need to go down to his core to become a sincere good man for her. Only they can’t see that yet.

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I only wish they are well.

Because all they need is time.

Door Slamming

I’m sorry.  I know I’m condescending.  Sometime I feel like I’m pushed to be one; or transform to become this evil ugly green woman with hideously long stem nose in a large black pointy hat. Although I do enjoy being a WBitch once in a while. Not all the time.  (Though I don’t think I’d mind that either – Hahahaha).

But you know what?  I shouldn’t be sorry that I can be condescending because I was pushed into that zone. But I am sorry because I don’t know what you did that made me go into that direction to begin with.

……..

Aih.

……..

You know what, you should be sorry for making me go through all these thoughts and shit and make me feel like crap.

You’re an ass.

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{{{Door Slams}}}

I am just asking

For some reason I feel the need to have my heart lifted this morning.  It feels like sun down and stagnant.  Accepting the things that I do not like, but have no control over.  This wind and arrogance that always seem to tick me off at the wrong footing leaving me with much anger of frustration just to get through it.

How does that makes me feel betrayed so easily?  Leaves me feeling very confused and disoriented.  Much of something that I face often with Libras. Funny ain’t it?  My own bloodline comprises of one Libra.  But it is a funny that just can’t laugh off.  Unless I’m really pissed.

When will they ever get a grasp of logic, timeline and sense of direction? The steps, the system, the standard. How can each individual get different approach?  What makes any of them different from any other business that they deserve different approach when all of them are suppliers, distributors and project coordinators/granters/associates?

I am just asking.

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Sentimental feeling of 1976; but then again, it speaks of the truth

 

To be calm and level headed.  To not take this all to heart without meaning to. To be not affected and remain boxed in my own life’s main objective. Purity of my intentions. And my intention is to carry out work, no matter how silly, illogical, unscripted direct instructions, with no firmness and timelines that make no sense.

No wonder one is stuck with silly employees.

How sad.

As this entry is not loopy at all.