Today, I don’t feel any awesome or loopy. Just stuck at ‘or’; but then again, no, not really. I’m just striving under one layer of sleepiness and absorption of hope of something. Fortunately, I am awake. Buzzing entirely today. Even retreated home at lunch time for a shut eye that was only 2 minutes of concentrating on my breathing to empty the conversation in my head.
Readings of some things has mellowed me a bit. It makes me wanna go home and fondle someone. Soft soft touches all over the Jack and Jill tabletops, then all over the bed. Although in truth, it’s all about affection and connection.
I’m feeling grateful for the partner that I have. Our connection hasn’t been this tight. Maybe it does take many years for this bond to grow. Some grow out of it, as we did. But we learnt to let go and accept our own emotions. We learnt to be truthful to ourselves. We learnt to be angry, frustrated, sad and be able talk about it.
We’ve known each other since we were 9 and only began dating in 1999. It has been 17 years long. Engaged 15 years ago. Married 14 years ago. We were pregnant with twins and miscarried them the same. Our first born will be 13 this year. Walked in dirt and built a home. Sparked fire and burnt it down. It was only then that we learnt to rage, cry, laugh out loud and talk it out. And this was 3 years ago.
God knows what’s best for you. And I am thankful for that.
I’m grateful for the things God has given me that money cannot buy. Because not everyone is granted the truest form of life partner.
He will turn 40 this Saturday. He will never know how many blogs I have. Or what I’ve written about. Or how much life has shaped me, shaped all of my surroundings. Or really, how much I feel him inside of me. But I feel equal. I feel stable. In this orb of happy hum.