Incapacitated Emotions

Dear Self,

You and grumpiness.  I have no words to say it.  You are a grumpy person.  Then you laugh too much, it means you’re lonely inside. When in fact you make yourself lonely.  And then you question yourself why you try to suffer yourself with that that puts you into a more lonelier territory.  And you become grumpier.  [Pause]  You are one sad person, aren’t you?

How is this?

  1. You can’t comprehend too much of emotion at any one time.
  2. You can’t be in an overcrowded situation without a purpose – being in a sale and queuing up to pay in long lines are a totally different things.
  3. You get nervous at social gatherings unless if it’s about coffee and maximum 5 friends at any one time.
  4. You can’t even socialize with your own family members.  You’re just cold that way.  It’s ugly. Totally ugly.
  5. You won’t commit to family agendas because of how things are with them.

Oh God I feel like a bad person.

I really don’t know if it’s because I’m allowed to be it; or I’m made to be it.  But as I was making breakfast this morning, I was thinking that, I am adult and therefore I am responsible for my own actions.  No one should be accountable to that, I am the one in control of myself.

That was when I felt like a total sh!8.

Maybe I just need to pull the blanket and hide in my bed all day today; or what it feels like right now.

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Note to Self: But this seems to make sense.  Apparently I am simultaneously the most emotional / least emotional person I know.  The INFJ contradictory is DEFINITELY a real struggle.

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Author: momsthetruth

Struggling INFJ living in broad daylight and pretends she sleeps through the day like a vampire but knows nothing about Twilight, aside of that hairy beast thing that changes when the girl he can't have does something that can get herself killed.

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