Drunken Salted Fish

I think it’s intriguing that I’ve been constantly hungry. Then with headaches, and hunger pangs again and blisters all over in the mouth. Nothing seems to be able to subside it since yesterday. Most probably it’s nearing that time of the month but this stomach behaviour is unacceptable because I want to lose weight! Hahaha.

Just caught up with Miss Brown and we briefly went through our stupidest life segments – which were all really stupid. Then me telling her that a few weeks ago her (soon to be ex) husband tried to add me as friend on Facebook; and she went, “Yeah, yeah. It was me,” while looking down in a quick glance of shame with me going, ‘What? (lost)’ on my face; before both of us almost died laughing. She quickly asked, “Do you mean that the Friend Request is still there, because I tried taking them down after realising the account wasn’t mine?” Naturally I asked her if she was drunk at the time.  We almost died laughing again. In the office pantry. People would’ve found us if we did. Yeah. Because it all happened before 5:00pm.

Then I told her about this argument where I had apparently been ‘so difficult’ with this one man. So brazen of me to laugh about all the nonsense that came out of our mouths in his face, more over what was ‘being an issue’ of salted fish which I DID NOT bring up and it rose by itself in an argumentative discussion with itself. “Salted fish?!” *squinting eyes* Yes. Over salted fish. …It was whether or not we should get salted fish for someone with diabetes. Bear in mind, I DID NOT bring it up and neither did I DECIDE on anything. It just reeled out and in again by itself and I made it into an issue – like, seriously?  Yes. You see, this proves that… I’m really the man in this relationship.  Just don’t ask me if you’re fat, already.

After 40 years of trying to assimilate self with people, I finally get friends. Yes, I have been lonely like other INFJs out there. And thinking that I’m bipolar, perhaps. Scrutinizing self until I get run into depression. Constantly having this need of explaining myself when I really don’t have to. Or that I’m not worthy of friendship and I’m so difficult of a person whom nobody can get along with.

But it took me a divorce to make me understand me.  To be able to relate and feel comfortable in my own skin instead of second guessing to everything and have the world turn upside down by the things I have in my head, which really makes things even worse than it seems.  And to only realize when I’m settled with me, real friendships are made.  I could even say NO to things I don’t want to have in my life.  I’ve crossed some off my list.  Some I’ve made as mutual friends, and those who cling on closer than ever.  This friendship I have with this woman, is clearly, emotionally aware and connected.

So I am thankful.  Even for that awfully brief chat over a biscuit and awful lot of sound from stories of stupid arguments (that went reeling by itself).


Note to Self:  So, okay.  It’s his problem – really.  Hahaha.


Author: momsthetruth

Struggling INFJ living in broad daylight and pretends she sleeps through the day like a vampire but knows nothing about Twilight, aside of that hairy beast thing that changes when the girl he can't have does something that can get herself killed.

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