“Weight, what is this again?”


All the internal weight sits on my physical body.

We had this conversation of babies.  We thought of it.  We thought, perhaps it is sufficient with the three that we have.  But I kept thinking about trying for another baby.  I put on the bright side that the children are now big and so I get to join in the activities that he takes part in – just the two of us – with ease.

Then I had my Transient Ischemic Attack (TIA) which is also known as episode of a stroke, last year in March.  It became apparent that it was my 3rd attack throughout this lifetime.  Only this one was recorded and sent for thorough checking as I was clueless with the earlier 2 attacks.

Last night this conversation popped.  He opened up about how much he really would like to try.  But he is concerned about me.  Having hypertension will easily open up to other illnesses susceptible even more while carrying the baby.  That was why he was asking me to lose weight.  For him, that means, I would have to take care of my food intake and physical fitness (which I seriously don’t have) to be healthy for that.

I only saw: He wants me to lose weight.  I know I need to lose weight.  Period.  Nothing more trailing behind.

Me: I want to feel good about myself.  Now that I’m hitting 40, everything seems sluggish with PCOS.  I’ve submitted to embracing size 14UK/42EUR/12US – which is semi-depressing, actually.

Let’s just see where I can go with this.  Overall it’s just overwhelming in a very inertia state of mind.


Note to Self:  I have no idea where to begin…  So please help me, God.


Author: momsthetruth

Struggling INFJ living in broad daylight and pretends she sleeps through the day like a vampire but knows nothing about Twilight, aside of that hairy beast thing that changes when the girl he can't have does something that can get herself killed.

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