I’m really feeling this internal exhaustion for anger and frustration that I have no idea where it began/rooted from. All I know is that I feel like crying, but not; feeling frustrated, but (…). Feel like yelling to someone and break them down for no reason at all, but it is unfair. So I wish for sleep. Just sleep. And I need to travel. I really need a different perspective out of this or I’d do much damage to myself by shopping or spending on myself when it isn’t necessary.
So I got some time out just now to purchase some thing for the place I work for (this is an exceptionally long sentence in saying – buying office stuffs) – heavenly speed shopping. Then I got myself some sushi. One dish had an outer layer of tofu where the inside was stuffed with rice and “salad” to top it with mayo (I think so) and they were burnt all over. Because they burnt it all over with flame on the outside, it was unrecognizable or identifiable to be precise. I asked one of the elderly lady who was shuffling all the dishes around to make them presentable, “Aunty, is this tofu skin on the outside?” She looked at them closely and prodded the packaging with the finger, “This – salad sushi, fish sushi, salad sushi, ” and left me in an amusement because she just read off the label. Well okay, aunty, your explanation is good enough for me to bring it back with me. I don’t feel shallow with this logic (LOL).
My brain is presentable right now. I got to wind them down when I looked for things. And this endless brainwave looking at the coffee press that I remember to bring to work today. It is working for me. There is a cup of hand pressed coffee looking back at me with much love and affection.
But really, I am also sad. I’m frustrated. Just not yet ticking. When it starts ticking, it will be a time bomb.
I just need sleep.