The Essence of Life

Sometimes life is as you take it. But literally sometimes, too literal.

Personally, I have my own judgement about sharing photos of of people doing things that should not be displayed publicly. Personal secret donations and good deeds, that goes on until visiting the grave of someone you loved. It is all too personal. I mean, I wouldn’t mind the photo of the grave itself or the whole graveyard for that matter; but the photos of you or anyone else visiting the grave itself is questionable. It seems to be so insincere. It’s as if you’re doing something just to post on social media. But that’s my own personal opinion.

So anyways, I was with a person tonight. She talked of her late ¬†father-in-law. There has been quite a number of posts in social media since his passing and telling EVERYONE how she/her kids misses him – old photos or family photos at the graveyard. The late man had given her, a homemaker, and her kids monthly allowance at random amount that her spouse doesn’t know about.

It trailed to how they are now comparing his good deed with his widowed wife, who has slowly ceased contribution and now nothing at all for them. Her children seems to be affected by this no more allowance from Grandma. So she tells them that Grandma is not as kind as late Grandpa. And her children remain to be triggered by not receiving money anymore from their grandparent.

Do you see what I see?

I just decided at this point to only listen to her rant. She needs it. And as I place this topic into my blog, I subside it away from my heart. I am making it as my own reminder that I would want to be remembered as someone who cares more about your well-being where I provide necessity, and not worldly things.

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Perhaps I do not understand clearly the every word what INFJ mean but it defines me. I seek sincerity. Truthfulness. The need to express and be understood. I take on that responsibility to make a person who needs it to be better off than they were before.

I am really at lost as how they value other people. But I value she was truthful about what she shard with me. Secretly I hope their perspective will change over time because I’m sure there really are other things about him that they must miss. I do know that he was loved dearly by them. Just, the definition of money is what bothers me.

I hope this reaches out to anyone who needs to hear it. Remember people for the right reason, with no comparison to others and no shaming of other people’s weaknesses or shortcomings. Teach the young to appreciate people, not what they are able to provide. It’s their presence that matters. It’s what’s left in the end anyway.

The Heart of Intent

I have been quite quiet. Downtime.

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Imagining self living some place else. Then again as the weather turns to be cooler, I thought how people would imagine themselves living here instead. Where food is available in every corner at any time of the day. To fit the culture here, even the fast food chains are open 24 hours a day.

All I want is to curl myself up. I’m just exhausted most of the time. And it would be nice to curl up on a sofa¬†with a quilt blanket, a big pot of black coffee, tucked in with a book, in front of a fire place.

Truth be told, I’ve been imagining major renovation and having The Cousins come build an extensive flow for us who are still living in my father’s house.

I need space.

My father needs storage.

My mother needs place for her baking and food catering and keep the place to be beautiful and clean.

The kids need their own are of definition.

Other siblings need to clear their baggage and be adults.

If only we all have imagination. And not solely depend on my husband. Where all my resources (as well as the household) are tied onto him, as the rest of the house when it comes to decorating.

Can someone just come and sweep me off my feet?

(Please let him be Anthony Carrino!)

 

Procrastination, really.

I try not to be irritable. But my procrastination is worse than anything else. So there are days where I waste hours just searching for random things over in the internet while on the android swimming and reading through articles others post in Facebook and very rarely, peeking into Instagram. Both will interrelate back with the desktop internet for better reading.

By then, I will be swamped in work and have wasted much time to be able to do something else or have time to improve whatever is there that can be done.

For example, right now. Aside of being tardy this morning as I experienced constipation while getting ready for work, I am putting myself aside from doing things… that I should. I have a list ready, though… But I’m pouring one portion of the head conversation in my head into here. Then now I realised it is the 14th. New claims cutoff date is on the 20th. And the claims as well for this other statement is still on hold. For some irrelevant reason.

I really suck.

My mind takes its break too sporadically. Insane for my own mental health.

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Note to Self: Please help yourself. Today.

Break

My feelings – mixed. There is no maximum or minimum to what I am feeling. Not stretched. Not stressed, but yes, I do feel it a little. Been meddling in receipts for the past few days for the sudden many days off of work having to attend to family matters. Yes, MATTERS.

Probably just tired as my right eye is circling in its place by itself.

Okay, 5 minutes off of everything.

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INFJ Sustenance

I thought of being deep. But I feel this settling in me. I really am taking everything one step at a time. Even at work. If I can’t bring myself to a certain kmph, I won’t. Just because I am at stretch where I am needed most. Emotionally, physically.

Just received a call that child number three is ill. Will need to attend to her. I’m just at the verge of being the 5th one in whole lot to be ill.

Please pray that we’ll be okay.

Please pray that I will be able to pull through this.

Just because this cycle has been going on since Mid-April.

Love yous.

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Note: Couldn’t find appropriate wording, so I made one for myself. This is the first for me.

Beaches and Islands

Life progresses through my trip to the beaches, and conquering my fear of the sea by island hopping and snorkeling into this depth without walls to hang onto. Despite how many fell sick while it happened and receiving the aftermath of it, I still see the fishes that float in between us in the water.

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My mind travels back to where we were.

We’ll get there again someday. I know it’s somewhere I can completely come undone.

Note: I am islander.