Sectioning Emotions

Where do I begin?

I realize that my postings are becoming intimate by day.

I had a good beginning today.  I have also realized that I have been terribly missing Him. Hence the ramblings that seem to go on forever. But as usual, it’ll take me half a century to pinpoint it – like, EVERY TIME – come on!!!

Then I reread the entries I last posted, and was moved by the emotions that ran in it. It is sincerely surprising for me because I felt like I was all over the place and couldn’t tie them down into categories or put them into the ‘should be’ flow. I really was weirded out, spaced out… Aih.

So I came in late to work today. Two office event committees needed things that I have at home for catering. All required me to go through the things and washing yada yada… I also took the chance to clear the state of my room that even one of my child said, “This room is so messy right now it’s giving me headache,” to which I responded with, “Yeah, so same with me right now”.

Left for work at only after 10.30am and now I’m feeling sleepy. I still have got errands to run around for the event committee later today, depending on the availability of the other colleague (I’m still waiting for her right now). And remember the system rejection of my work request yesterday? It’s still stuck in the server for reasons only God knows best. Aih. Not talking about the new requests I have put into the system that is facing glitches as well.

… … …

The loneliness.

Last night, he called at 10:30pm to say he’s done with work and will be getting/having dinner on the way home. From the last response that made him the Internal Hulk, I didn’t follow up although I thought of asking but decided to wait up for him instead. I just couldn’t hold waiting and slept at 1:00am. He came home and crept around the room at 1:20pm. Hmm.

So I made breakfast this morning, where one child tells me he hasn’t any school uniform to put on and me telling him to iron them out himself for not caring to check if his is ready for wear the next day – and he did, for the first time. That was sooo internally hilarious for this mommy. Serves him right.

Then another child tells me I look tired as I was serving the food on the table. “Yes, that’s right. I am. I waited for your dad to come home until 1:00am,” quite tactfully without facing Him and I knew his body went into spasm hearing it. *Laughing internally hard*

Later on at 10:30am, he text me saying he misses me. Then tells me that we’d be grocery shopping tonight, which is… He told me that he’s gonna have to stay until past midnight, longer then previous nights, tonight.

I have no idea when your words contradict in your brain, your thoughts, your schedule, your speech etc. But I’ve learnt to just let them drop like that. If it’s meant to happen, it will happen.

… … …

This is exactly how I’m feeling right now. // And now I suddenly have the urge for cigarettes but nobody knows I smoke. // How ironic.


Okay, time to follow through with this colleague about getting the event stuffs done now.




Author: momsthetruth

Struggling INFJ living in broad daylight and pretends she sleeps through the day like a vampire but knows nothing about Twilight, aside of that hairy beast thing that changes when the girl he can't have does something that can get herself killed.

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