Sometimes I would look for photos, memes or some visual for my morning impact. I know what stress is impending before me today. And I found this photo to my liking.
It feels like me.
I only need a mug of black coffee.
And some biscuits to kick it off.
Do you know what’s sweet? Seeing couples being friends and being patient with each other.
And I’ll hold his hand in mine.
I’m biding time to get to the gym. Would be waiting for a friend who is currently travelling straight there like I asked her to. But I’m still biding time. At the back of my mind, I’m bothered by not being able to find the bunch of socks I recently bought for myself. A whole bunch of them.
I feel frustrated for some reason. Can’t figure it out although I have an idea of what it might be – I’ve overshot my happy bubbles and now I’m having physical withdrawal. It’s just exhaustion inside out. I couldn’t even keep a conversation going at lunch yesterday.
So I suppose I surprised myself that I ran 6-8 minutes non-stop on the treadmill last night. That has never happen – EVER! It was just this empty drive and my head feeling cluttered but no longer foggy. It was just, everything is there and I’m looking at them in my head visually, not even trying to sort them out yet. The next thing I knew, I was at the edge of 6-8 minutes. This happened a few times and I burned an extra 50 calories than I usually would.
This sadness that came suddenly. We missed a window of opportunity when 1 child was offered to travel abroad but our response came late. So, it’s okay to feel disappointed a little, right? But it’s okay coz it took us so long to revert (though it has only been 19 hours since it was offered).
But to all, what’s meant to be, is what’s meant to be.
C’est la vie.
(I don’t even think I have the strength to go out for lunch today, more to think about my disappointments).
I turned 40 yesterday. My late grandfather and still living aunt celebrate theirs today. Overjoyed that it was my birthday yesterday but found myself feeling exhausted late last night and this morning. I don’t know. But I remember telling others on FB that I have a Bucket List to elongate.
So let’s begin:
- Go on a holiday 3D/2N with some close 3-4 girlfriends to Bandung.
- Go on a holiday with some close 2-4 girlfriends to Turkey/Europe.
- Bring my husband for an Arsenal game at the stadium.
- Have my own kitchen.
- I have recently struck off snorkeling. But I’ll put this back on again.
- Lose 10kg.
- Bake Peppermint Chocolate Cake.
- Get to Mauritius – finally.
Okay, I’m sleepy now.
My mind, heart and soul is undergoing some major renovation. It is not upheaval like what I had back a few years ago. Just renovation of some knocks here and there. Perhaps it is timely that it is September in the month I was born in.
I am a bit more firm with my decision and life is easier to live in that way.
- So getting fed up with own body, I am now a member of a local gym that I will be going again tonight.
- I’ve just ranted a text something short and sweet to a brother whom has not respect for me or my husband.
- Feeling warm for being able to help out a friend. I got some to give some this month where ultimately, it is for her – this, I know.
- Thankful that I’ve got people to speak to THIS month – unlike the months before.
- I know God wants me to learn to be thankful of my surroundings before I receive all other things my way.
- My SIL is arranging a party for all SILs (all our husbands are brothers only, so we’re kinda grateful that way) this Saturday. Just a little pick-me-ups for all ups and downs for some of us. What the rest doesn’t know is that surprise we really want the others to experience. I hope everything will turn out well. I mean, I don’t have much but I will provide some portion for the party.
- I will be going to the gym tonight. (See, this is firm decision.)
- I’m trying to finish this storybook too.
- And I’m going somewhere at lunch for smokes. I just can’t figure out where yet. Most likely, it’ll be home.
Just lists and lists as I slowly turn to 40.
Deep inside, I still feel 28.