Cranky

I feel tired, cranky and sleepy.

It feels like if I don’t write a post, I’d never get past this vacuum period to gain confidence sending an email to an external party – that’s I’ve managed to delay for the past 2 hours. For some reasonable excuse. That’s not actually valid if you really scrutinize it. (You don’t even have spend time to scrutinize, actually. That would be a waste of time.)

  1. I need a holiday.
  2. I need to feel I have enough money for one.
  3. Then I need to let everything go and feel free.

But life proceeds itself. Time waits for no man. Or woman. Or mommy. *pulling hair*

Although I think that a little chocolate would be able to help this unsettling feeling.

So let’s amuse me.

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(I have no idea)

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Stale, mate.

My mobile phone has failed yet again on me. It had been giving me a hard time since they upgraded the Android system by giving it too sweet of a marshmallow overdosed craving (not) where it slowly began to slowly die on me. Slow massacre for me this morning as it died, revived, died, revived (repeat) for at least 8-10 times within 4 minutes.

So I sent in a cute email to the office about it:

My handphone has died.  So no WhatsApp, SMS or take calls for the next few hours in my attempt to revive it. 

For urgency, please call me in the office instead.  Or email.  Or come see me.  Or get me a new handphone. Ahaks.

Oh such cuteness of me. Especially the final line before ‘Ahaks’.

I’m also still sleepy despite the early morning cuppa I made for myself and big man.  The little men and little miss are at the their aunt’s for some unplanned reason last night. Aileen (not her real name) needed time out. Our relationship and my views has not been a great one. I mean, we don’t have great chemistry (3 out of 5). But hey, she needed some time out and I needed to feel useful (so freaking INFJ for this).

Big Man decided to timeout himself as well and the kids are out of school the next day. So I asked Aileen if I could park them at her place while we go for coffee. As it happened to be they fell sleeping before either of us could get them. I even told Aileen that I’d come get them in the morning – thinking it would be the weekend already! (But, NOOOOOOOOO… Such obvious disappointment – and ultimate sudden panic how inconvenience the situation would be/already have for her just to suddenly having to care for my kids!)

So I had packed a bag of clothes for them this morning, drove over, dropped it within Aileen’s gated compound and drove madly to work. I didn’t get to call, nor message. You see, my phone died. *crickets*

With much attempt, I still wrote a message to her in lengthy explanation in anticipation that it would get through one of the attempts of revival. It did. But I have no idea whatever else transpired then on.

I am in serious need of a nap. Just to sleep off the disappointment of this stalemate mobile phone problem. Yes, stale tasteless metallic leftover in the mouth. Blegh.

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Inconsistent Consistency

Have I not been writing?

No. I have been rewiring my brains of late. I had been visiting the gym, you see. Something which is so unlike me. As the only exercise I get is from shifting from the sofa to the bed, switching channels on the TV or a complete mass cleaning from the top most bathroom tile to vacuuming under the bed and the walls. Yes, vacuuming the walls. It is possible. From this extreme to another extreme where exercising is completely non-related.

A friend remarried. I went to her wedding only to say goodbye. Silently. Inside my heart.  (Goodbye).

Then my daughter had a dance performance that she’s still struggling with as the given practice has not been consistent. I had this nerve breakdown and began ranting in some forum and became a laughing stock in it. Oh well. All is past and done with. The embarrassment however somehow still stayed on.

I am pinning for human reconnection. So I would randomly call old friends or interrupt people’s conversation (yes, which is rude) and I get feedback that make me feel so old. Well, I deserve it for the interruptions.  But, oh well.

So today I met with Ms Brown.

Oh so how much I miss her!

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And the meeting was good. It made me feel like my wires connected. I was being of good use, to validate and receive validation. Ms Brown is just awesome.

Confession: Sometimes I stalk pages. Just for fun. Me hates me for dat. But oh well, I’d still do it in a heartbeat.

Craving for some Portuguese Egg Tarts. Must go get them. MUST!

 

 

Mind Games

I have been having awesome times. In my mind.

White wine. Savoury seafood underneath floral roof with light breeze through the hair. I wear white. Dark sunnies. Leather brown purse and sandals. Full breasts. Glistening skin. White birds are everywhere. Blue-eyed cats everywhere. My dark skinned man, savoury; sometimes dessert.

Plunging into the sea in snorkels. Wake up with sand. Fall lightly asleep in sand.

Running with the wind on a high speed motorbike with him. All fears and trust within. Just let everything flow as we bind as one.

At the end of this post, really, I have no idea… hahaha.

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