Confession: I haven’t been compliant with my hypertension pills.
So I have this headache that I’m tick-tocking to take. Then I go all loopy with sudden weeping period and sappy entries into forums that make me seem all together, NOT together! I failed myself to my own standard of failure. Haih.
I am also in love with an actor right now. I feel like a cougar – he is clearly 12 years younger than I am. He is also clearly happily married with a baby girl. But I stalk his pages anyhow. Just like I did with Gary Barlow, and Bradley Cooper. And sometimes memes of Mr Chow hahahaha. Oh well, they make me happy.
Picking up the pieces and sluggishness of the recent week right now. I had fallen into my worst self-prey of second guessing if I am Bipolar. And if I am I really numb. Or have a lost my sensual drives where it seems stagnant at P (Park) – not even N (Neutral). Well, that until someone fiddles with my nipples hahahaha. Okay, crap – my period came after 52 days. Like, it came big time!
Damn PMS. My period cycle, I’ve set it at 45-day cycle. Then I had the on off aches, sensitive nips, drowsiness etc setting my mind that I’m just being dramatic and over doing the attempts of getting spousal attention. All the aches whole set came and went 2-3 times. Then of course, each time I’m near to getting some falling of eggs, I feel like I’m dying and completely began inwardly telling everyone goodbye. But of course it was delayed even more.
I took matters in my own hands. I downed pomegranate juice, traditional herbs and spices, all the hot and spicy ramens and chilies. Nada. Nothing. All I had was a bunch of pimples sprawling from my chin all over to the bottom of my scalp. I was fat. I was down and with aches. And then finally the period came 15 days later – on the day my husband is back from out of town. Meh. But it was much that I felt wasted. Full front to back, 5 times changing of extra long night time heavy flow with wings sanitary napkins for 3 days. Wow. That was a mouthful.
From considering self is with bipolar yesterday, I am picking up the beat today. But yesterday was so bad that my BFF had to come on a SOS alarm on me. She was right to come. She saved me from me attempting to drown myself in a pool of nonsensical notion. Don’t ask me why because I keep asking myself that question too many times in a day. I am after all, INFJ. (And I’m glad that that is considered the norm for the MBTI!)
I hope this upward feeling will stay.
Have a nice weekend.
And Happy New Year.
PS: Since 2016 was crappy enough, let’s all pray the best for everyone and the end all wars in 2017 onward.