I Don’t Even Know

It has been a long time since we went to mall. Like just go solely to walk around instead of going in to get something. We haven’t been financially strong these few years while also struggling to have time together.

Sometimes God graces you with things that He knows you need, or your children need or all the other things that you didn’t even know you needed. Luck, is God’s grace. And He graced us by allowing the kids to be able to follow their uncle’s family to stay a night at the hotel in town, and to ice skate in the tropics.

Just the idea of having the ice skating rink in the hotel had put my husband skeptical for whatever reason. Even when once I offered to pay for the hotel, just for one night’s stay. I didn’t feel like it was worth the effort to even tell him,

“I’m paying so who cares about what you think; and it’s not so much for you, it’s giving the kids something while you get to take a break on your own”.

Carpricorns can be so stubborn in places you don’t even know. But at least he knows now.

And we are all graced. Even today for me. Since he has been annoying with me feeling blegh with the whole thing altogether. I hope I’ll get to cry because this knotted feeling is just… blegh, and I’ve always had a hard time to let it out.

I just… I need a hug. And a kiss. It gets tiring to hold off something that’s just in front of you but cannot have. Sometimes others need to learn to think about other people  by themselves. You can’t keep guiding, or repeating, or suggesting but not taken. More that you have to keep explaining in detail about something repetitively that for you, knowing the surface is sufficient.

I really understand why God is allowing us time together even though I’m so annoyed with him right now. I also realize that he tries to date me, gets me coffee, etc just to get through to me when I feel like dropping a pan onto his head above and sideways.

Leaving this post hanging. Just because I want to post it and not think about it. This post started out sweet but now sketching some harassed woman with crazy orange hair playing with glue pasting everything on the walls of the house.


Author: momsthetruth

Struggling INFJ living in broad daylight and pretends she sleeps through the day like a vampire but knows nothing about Twilight, aside of that hairy beast thing that changes when the girl he can't have does something that can get herself killed.

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