At Least It Wasn’t the Actual Hell

It hasn’t been an ordinary week for me. In fact, it has been a tough week. From current emotional issues to backtracking into the past and flashbacks. Oh the flashbacks and flashbacks that comes with the feel so sporadically.

Some how these flashbacks come to me placing themselves into dates, phone calls, conversations, dreams and tragedies at sporadic times. Amazingly often synchronizing themselves intensely when I’m about to sleep. Running through what really happened, how it felt like, how it ended. I got through them, yes. The whole damn thing. And it hurt like hell. Well, literally speaking, hell would actually be worse than all that. LOL.

Grateful, yes; that it hurt like but wasn’t actually hell (LOL). I had to thrive and dive into it without a choice. I have chosen and decisions were made.  I don’t wonder, but I sometimes feel amazed how I look past everything to see that one sphere of innocence, and then embrace to forgive. It was easier to forgive others because forgiving myself was a greater feat. It always is, for me.

I need to thrive with the Myself – right now. For any regrets I have now, like not going to the gym or attempting to take care of myself and my health better for myself, is something I need to deal with – right now. Live in the present, not in the past.

So I put the memories into the Dwelling Bucket, and lunge it down gently into the river. I slowly see them drift from vivid colours to clarity. Because it is only with untainted water that you can wash your heart to plant and then reap something that will surprise you.

Trust me, to forgive is create your own inner peace.

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At Least It Wasn’t the Actual Hell

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