Life-Colours

Her brain has been cluttered.

Her brain is cluttered.

She has no drive to declutter. Most of it isn’t hers. Just some bits and pieces of what she had to pick up, with no time to digest, while she moves and just fills them all up in her everywhere. Like picking up Lego pieces, pencils, paper, shorts and underpants as you walk through to the back of the house. The problem is, she has to segregate them first. Find out the source of the problem, what’s pinching, what’s growth and what’s actually brightness and life-colours. Undomesticated, unconventional, outlier and detached brain-thinking, heart absorbing workings of the inner her.  Must declutter or her brain will die. Then she gets a central short circuit when they are all inward and attached to be able to see light.

Brain Status with Current Brain Content: LATER.

Brain Status with Cusp Cancer-Leo Sister Who Talks for Constant Attention (Like, for all the time that her brain hurts because the subjects are most just unintelligible rants and nothing for her brain to process i.e. waste of time): Keep Calm and Slide ’em.

Brain Status when Asking for Intimacy: Prudent.

Yeah, why is she prudent when asking for intimacy when she needs it? Coz she is a shy person as hell. And she doesn’t even know what it means – shy as hell. Literally, it doesn’t make sense. Hell isn’t shy. Hell, is a show-off. Then again she is shy at asking but will swamp the bed when she gets it. Denial prudency. Heh.

From all things that she has gone through, she knows she is tenacious. Her heart is tenacious. She doesn’t give up although she keeps her thoughts, her words and her breath at pause sometimes. Yes, pause. It’s really the only way for her to heal. Just stay still to pull in all the strength to digest that it is really, ‘what must be done’. But she knows, that’s her purpose in this world.

She is the connector, conductor, counselor, the mediator. So what must be done, will be done – even if it hurts like hell. Because she knows she will have to faze out all the excuses all the others will feed her. She is nothing about falsifying the reality. There would be no room to improve your inner space if you keep hiding cracks on the wall.

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She has suddenly just found her strength again; and she feels like a champion today.

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Life-Colours

6 thoughts on “Life-Colours

  1. Oh wow. When I first read this, the INFJ quote didn’t show up on the computer I was using. Then when I was just scrolling back through and it made me tear up a little to read it. That’s EXACTLY how I feel. I’m invisible. And I do so much to make sure that other people never feel left out or unloved or like they haven’t been seen, heard, and attended to. But it’s so very seldom that anyone returns the favor.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. Helping people fills us in, and it also sometimes make us feel alone too. That’s how people are able to take things for granted because we really don’t expect an acknowledgement, but would be most polite if they do so – we seem to contradict ourselves. And that’s when people say we’re so odd with a, “It’s okay, I don’t need your help then!” and get us annoyed that way with a, “FINEEEEE… Whatever…”. Well, that’s how it goes for me, anyhow.

      Liked by 1 person

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