I was on some depressing emotional rampage for the past few weeks. Left questions unanswered on forums, that led to thinking if I am crazy. Approached my sister on how to see a psychiatrist in the hospital because I feel that I could be in a depressive period right now. She explained, I took note and went home.
Then I began blasting at DH telling him I was unhappy and everyone else was ignoring me like I’m invisible. One by one. Up to the second day, he tells me that he doesn’t know what I want, because he was responding to me.
(Okay, between now and the man married earlier, he has flexed 90% to attempt absorbing my membrane. He is trying, bending for me; which I appreciate very much.)
I let it cool. Before, I began prodding into forums asking stuffs randomly – I couldn’t put my finger on anything. Not until someone approached me and told me that I had been sucking the bad energy from everyone. My soul was open and doing clean up charity work for other people, who all happened to be in a delirious state of mind, through the weeks. That was why I frazzled, foggy and lost, and bumping conversations in my head full of cloudiness whatevers.
He asked me, “Haven’t you noticed how drained you have been, just carrying yourself around?”
It was true. I had been falling asleep against my will, in a fashion I never was. Knocking out on the workstation before lunch for solid 1 hour sleep. Or keep going in and out of sleep trance for 2 hours in the afternoon. Hmm.
Moving on, I posted on an inquiry again on forums, and the question returned was if I was feeling the hurt emotionally or physically. It took me overnight to think of an answer. And I forgot that I am an empath and INFJ. I was feeling it emotionally, it was affecting me physically.
So I am reminding myself that CANNOT be an open book.
I forgot and became vulnerable. And now I have to be pissed all the time because that’s the only thing that works so far that I can remember.
I must remember this. But alas.