I have lists to do.
But before that:
- I left my phone at home. Accidentally. However I am thankful that I still can message through Web WhatsApp.
- My boss gave me some fruit plant from her hometown. I should be thankful for this too because she is stingy and frugal.
- Had mushroom soup and toast bread for breakfast. Never too early for mushroom soup. I think I may want to make beef stew for whatever this week. Lasagna would be nice too. But it’s too much work for this lazy person.
- I was stuck in a jam that was 10 minutes moving as much as 5 meters this morning. Then stop. Then an inch. I was lucky to be able to u-turn and got to the office through the back road.
- There is makeup on my face today. Just because I feel like it.
- My watch is in timeless mode. So I tried to look for DH’s to use. Apparently all 3 (including mine) has departed. I am timeless.
- I got Davidoff Cafe Grande Cuvee Rich Aroma trial pack. Actually it was my mom who got it for free. So I am hanging on to every sip of it twice a day. It is the only thing that makes any sense.
Lists help to organize my brain. Sometimes it’s no longer cluttered. But it needs just a little bit of tidy. Nothing’s done in a jiffy. Not for me. I take time. Longer time than others take to do things. Although I’m pretty clean going when I’m in the kitchen so that kind of longer time pays beautiful bonuses when you are clean as you go.
I must tell you that for the past 4 weeks, it has been quite challenging for me. I have been working late for almost that long of duration, leaving on an average of 6.30PM-7.00PM. The constant heat glaring sun and suddenly the raining all day long for many days. The menses. Prickle emotion roller coaster. Sudden pitfall in logic and purview. The falling asleep at odd hours, odd positions – just odd.
And so I have been adapting myself to writing lists again. I don’t know why I refuse to do it, like, why I stopped. But then again I do weird things to myself. Self-obstruct in endless monotonous giddy carousel. Life seems to be more orderly. I get things done. I ask of myself not to be forgetful. I must instill care again. I used to be able to memorize numbers when hearing them once. But I was emotionally hurt and stopped caring. Stopped wanting to allow this big heart open to help people. It was raided and so I no longer can deliver even for myself.
Blog postings have helped me through the years. There were times when I paused. There were times I over vomit all so many times in a day. Days where I chuck myself in a bubble wrap in the corner of the room emotionally that the only way to communicate is flowing it out into the world wide web. Bubble wrap. It’s always fun when playing alone with it. But keeping it to just yourself cuts you away from life. When you share, you might be helping someone else; then you will feel purpose and bring yourself out.
No one can help you, unless you yourself want to.
I am counting blessings today. During a rainy day where pots of mushroom soup and beef stew would be so comforting.