Not too sure what to title this with.

Today was a little frazzled. No, not really. The days before was.

  1. I got hit from back by a car on the way to work. The person (Mr E [get it? Mystery -LOL]) who hit me was quite quick to solve the matters but I dragged it because I kept second guessing myself with the decisions I was making. DH literally just left it for me to solve it on my own. So ‘my own’ had 2 of her colleagues help her think through from morning until late in the day.
  2. Sent the car to the workshop and got the car back within a day. DH said he would help me out to get the car back from the workshop but it was just ‘intent’. “He’s a jerk,” was on repeat as I go about my day and night.
  3. Luckily Mr E offered to send the car to me. I told him that I am worried that DH won’t make it back on time that it’ll be an inconvenience for everyone i.e. the workshop, himself, me etc. But sending back the car to me proved to me an inconvenience for Mr E and wife as they sped on full speed leaving my place after.
  4. He came back sheepishly saying he’s “Sooooooorrry….” I replied, “I’m used to it.” If only he gets sarcasm. But he’s a goat. He doesn’t really get sarcasm. But when he does, hell breaks lose!

That song “He’s a jerk” is still going repeatedly in my head and I have no idea how to stop it. I am asking myself why I married him the second time? It’s not that I don’t understand that he loves challenging jobs, but it’s we’re all tired. I’m tired of this dormitory relationship like. I’m sick of putting my hands up and eat myself away because I feel like sh*t inside. I’m out of ideas what to do with the kids. Most of the time I know I’m a sh*tty mom.

I know I just can’t make of it. I become disabled and in nothingness when I just dismiss it. At this point, how he had abandoned me to settle the whole accident by myself, has brought me to this other level of not too sure what of inside. I’m just clearly pissed with this situation. Then why would I need a man if I am taking care of things myself?

So anyway, I’m going on a trip tomorrow. Just by myself. I think I deserve it. Even if it is for over the weekend.

 

 

Author: INFJ Mommy

Her own worse critic, full of love and full of walls. She can't digest her own brain + emotion combo, with the littlest emotional bin EVER. They all just must be out, somewhere; sometimes imprinted into the walls of her blog etches.

2 thoughts on “Not too sure what to title this with.”

  1. The trip was good. I came back and menstruated. He began calling me and talking to me too. I just decided I’m not gonna call him throughout the trip and I did just that. And he ended up feeling so bad to abandon the kids in the house with whoever is in the house (to work the weekend), that he had to bring them dinner, entertain them outside etc. I think I managed to make him feel like a Mommy.

    And then yesterday he left me to only come back later on the 23rd of the month. So that was a short lived celebration for me then. Lol.

    Like

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