I have not expected to be on this journey of engaging so much into K-Drama. Look at what MCO has done to me.
The romanticism in the dramas takes me out of my world. Funnily enough it has managed to make my senses be free to be attentive to other people. I’d feel free enough to be spooning my spouse afterwards.
Perhaps it’s not just the romanticism. The need to feel being cared for. The falling in love. The sweetness. The gestures. Not in comparison with the Western show of skin, flesh and physicality. It’s different. It’s ‘purer’ in some ways.
The last of it was a bad crush on Travis Fimmel. But I’ve found the K crush that I’m Googling for at times when I feel sh*tty, Park Seo Joon. Hyun Bin is off the list. He had apparently modeled for Tommy Hilfiger before.
I’m also listening to all the K-Drama’s OST playlist that he’s in.
You know, after binge watching and trying to be rational, this is what I’ve come up with. At night, Seo-Joon’s self is there holding me to sleep in his arms and Travis telling me, “Aw it’s alright, honey. You’ve done all you can”.
What is it with their height and built structure? To have 6-footers against my 5’2″, I’m tiny within their palms. Their slender length of the neck down to the toned broad shoulders. Sense of protection and security. To be able to hide within them. Where my hands will seem to be dainty against them. That I will be equal and strong, a girl and dainty with strong protective men who cares of me.
I don’t know why I’m crying now. The tears fall hidden behind my mask at work. I don’t know. My hormones are crazy, maybe.
I want to be hugged. Skin to be touched. Hand to be held. Legs to be entwined. I want to be wanted. I want attentiveness. I want to be loved. Emotional aptness. I guess everyone else wants and deserves the same too. Pure emotion. Sincerity.
(Okay, I cry more now).