For the segmental journey in my life. I have made so many blogs to fit in the purpose of what I was going through, to pull myself out of each muddle or every concept of what I had to sort myself with; with what was given.
This blog wraps my life right now as a wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend and employee. Everything is at a balance where the only constant hurdle is procrastination and inner laziness to do something greater for myself. The push factor to evolve and find something exciting for myself.
I hate people. But I love being around them. I love sentiments, and mint, and cinnamon, and waffles with double scoop vanilla ice cream with raspberry or strawberry jam on top. I want excitement but there is a gap between where I am and doing it, I get lost in the how-to. Maybe all that I want to do is travel, enjoy outdoors and not stay put in one place only.
Life is different. With so many people passing, and yet another ex-schoolmate bedridden for cancer; I feel zoned out in emotion of how long more (time) do I have, what is it that I want to explore, what more do I want from life, what do I do with the kids now, how long more will I be working, what do I do afterwards… Of course they are questions that I do not have the answer for. I have no control over whatsoever that is meant to happen, but I can plan and do something about what I believe I should have. I would know then that I tried. Just in need of the little push within me.
So I turn 41 today. I feel old but not old. DH keeps asking me what I want for my birthday. There isn’t a clear picture of what I want that I have given him. But I will tell you what I really want here. Because I know my list will bump his heart, as well as mine, just because…
- Be on an island for 7 days all the 5 of us only. Or be on some place cold for the same duration. For all I care, have 7 solid days with all 5 of us doing something together, taking his time off work and not be bothered by phone calls and emails and messages; and the rest of us throwing away all FB, IG etc.
- Sell off both cars and get a new one with warranty period of service.
- Go on a 2 weeks trip abroad with him only. With the same condition of no interruption. Just us. For us to learn to speak without barrier. Let me learn to let go and scream of excitement while climbing over the gates and borders I tend to put myself into.
- Having our own space.
- I want to host a party that will put me in the kitchen for 2 days getting everything ready for everyone and having the house spick and span. With decorations of hydrangeas, glitters, gold and cats. Toblerone cake, chocolate hazelnut cake, mint chocolate chip cake, butterscotch caramel cake. Lasagna, beef stew, garlic bread… so many garlic bread… Tiramisu. Mist fan. Bubbles. Lots of bubbles. Vanilla scent all over. And Anna. Have Anna over with her cats and make them fat!
- Be smoking cigarettes after sex in the balcony of French village, naked.
- Go peeking at the red light district of Geisha life and the ones in Amsterdam.
- Trying weed.
- To kiss like when we younger. Passion on hormones.
And so the list can go on, but I will just keep it at 9. It is September after all.
With this, I shall reward myself with something that I shall think of later. As for right now, I pray that you will be blessed with good news, good fortune, good health, good food, brand new strength for yourself – whatever it may be and love. Lots of love from people who are meaningful to you. Love from people who feels that you are meaningful to them. And for me, it would be nice if you could do something to pay it forward today. Pay it forward of us. In all sincerity, that is love and something nice.
I only wish to uplift my heart a little. So a little push must be done to get it somewhere. Hope to get it somewhere today.
Thank you for reading!